Confession of a Workaholic

November 19, 2015

I wish that my dire need to exhort more effort in chasing dreams after dreams is not taking it's toll on me, but truth be told that my life is already out of symmetry. My struggle with busyness is wiring me up to the point that I have already pleaded with life itself. My once busy life becomes more full because of the thought that I have to move fast. I may succeed with every project that I do, but I don't  feel accomplished at all because I'm losing the clarity of the real purpose, I'm leaving out the journey. 

Countless sleepless nights  I toss and turn on my bed and in the morning I get myself drunk with bottles over bottles of energy drink. I would continue to deny myself with the truth that I am straining myself to fatality because in my mind I never regard myself as a workaholic. 

I'm like an automatic machine programmed to take in work after work after work. Until one day I just snapped, that day my head is so heavy, my lung is so heavy I can't breath properly (Yes! Too much stress can cause sleep apnea, which led to difficulty in breathing) and I'm just sitting there like the Grinch who hated the world. I lose interest in everything, I lose interest in my passion. This new anguish led me to self pity and push me to further afflict myself by submerging to more work. And yes, after my daily work I would usually bake and sometimes ended baking until midnight with the thought that its my stress reliever but reality is I just can't sleep. I  love to bake but I've used it as a gateway to self infliction instead of it as a fundamental foundation of one of my future goals.

How it all ended? How did I've come to realize that enough is enough? It was 
that day when a person close to me told me that I needed help and I was like "I'm not crazy... I don't need help" but these voices in my head is agreeing that I am losing my sanity. The thought of seeking professional help dreaded me and I was like - No.. I can begin to heal myself.. I can win the battle I've created myself. That night I cried my heart out.  I know and God knows of the beast I am  fighting in my head. I realized I miss a lot of things... I miss going on weekend trips, I miss going to the bookstore, I miss reading my favorite book, I miss my love note writing to God, I miss enjoying concocting new recipes, I miss my blogging, I miss Life itself. 

Realization finally dawned me that it's time for  me to finally pull myself out of this abysmal isolation.  Its time for me to gain perspective again. Honestly, I was really hesitant to write about this but I know that there are people like me out there.... struggling.... in denial....lost...wondering...And hoping to be free. 

It's hard to succumb in this kind of addiction. We workaholics are the people who move at a fast pace, but going nowhere in particular. By accepting that the life we are leading is no longer normal is the first step to self realization and then healing. Last night I came up with little plans to reclaim my old self. and I hope these too could help you out.

1. List your tasks and pick what matter most - So what i did I list down all the tasks both  my day jobs and the things that I love . Then I assessed each one if It is important to me, Is it making me happy, Is it leading me to my future goal, or do i really need it in my life.

2. List down the things/activities that stressing you out - and be firm in eliminating it out of your life.Make a decision to change your lifestyle.

3. Seek Spiritual Help - God is never in a hurry. His plan is always to make us better and not to harm us. When i was in my catatonic state (i prefer to call my madcap moment that way) I was afraid to tell anybody for fear that they'll think I'm crazy. But the weight is too much for me that after months of keeping it to myself i finally tap my LINE application and confess everything to my friend Christine of Beyoutiful Hope who live across the world from me. In my heart I know she is the right person to tell. She and her faith in God is beyond measure. Talking to Christine made me see where I've gone wrong: I was toooooo busy to even have time for God in my heart, in my mind and in my life. I've burst the only bubble that is protecting me against mischievous sprite. 

4. Start your morning right - making a change in your life is a real challenge. But as they say start your morning right and everything will follow through. Don't rush into the day, make time to sit for awhile and have a cup of coffee or tea. 

5. Make time for rest and relaxation - I made it a habit now to have time for rest and relaxation, I try to have fun on weekends too.  I even impose a strict schedule on my time too. I made sure that I go to bed at 9:30 pm and avoid social media's whatsoever. 

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6 Sweet Thoughts

  1. Nana, I haven't been writing for this reason... At first I wondered if I'd come back but I know I will, I miss it, however; I need to get some things together firts, things I've neglected. I know how you feel, I've seen my doctor about it too, I'm going to start seeing someone after Christmas.

    I've started the morning ritual you wrote about, it's been good... I try to be in bed by 10:00-10:30 at the latest... changing isn't easy but it's very important. Keep in touch Nana, I'm here if you ever need to chat... xox ♡

  2. This is very helpful. Got to always make time for relaxation that's for sure!

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  3. awesome post

  4. Hi Nana, I love the tips you noted for us.. most of all I like the idea of seeking spiritual help. That is the most powerful of them all. xx keep it up! :)

  5. Hi nana! I love your tips you noted for us.. most of all I love the idea of seeking spiritual help. That is the most powerful of them all. Keep up. xx